"The day I settle down is the day a donkey walks on its' hind legs"-That used to be my response to any type of commitment.
Yeah,at 16 years of age I am too young to be thinking about marriage but the odd affair on the side with the infamous Freddie from the ever addictive Skins wouldn't be out of the question.Settling down right now though is thinking about the future&off the future.Right here,right now,we face a daunting&terrifying period in our confused&sadistic lives.Everyone has fears.Everyone has thoughts-But not everyone has a future.I observe the happenings of everyday life&I see how worry consumes people to worrying lengths.The fact is that this worry is something that everyone possesses.Scary.Scary.Scary.A word that only us seem to be able to think about these days.Instead I prefer to think about the word-Sexy.Sexy.Sexy.It is much more pretty&sounds more interesting&captivating.Our fears may overcome our so subtle&loving personalities.Yet can we honestly,let fear take everything that people love about us?Can it?No.No&No because that is plain stupid&lazy on mine&your behalf.Think about now,think about your happy memories.Think about you.
Caoimhe Kate-I always have something to say.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
The Way You Make Me Feel.//
I think about you everyday but everyday I feel the same.
How does it feel to be in love?
I wouldn’t know. I doubt I will for a long time and I wish I did know. Everyone is different. Then again, aren’t we all the same? To a certain extent, yes, we are clones. Clones and not actual people.
People change.
You changed, I changed. She changed. I hate her for it. She doesn’t deserve to have all the happiness and love that she is showered with. That is what disappointments and sickens me the most. I done nothing yet got hurt. She lies, she cheats, she bitches. She is mean. A mean and undeserving girl. The type of girl that I hate. The type of girl we all hate.
You. Me. You.
I cried. You sobbed. I gently whimpered. You quietly whined, trying to cover your hurt and dismay. Trying to cover your clear your sadness. You want to look brave- You. You are wearing a mask. Just like me.
I like the way you look at me.
The way you see me&just me.
You smile.You stare.
The look you give me tells me you care.
Its' obvious.But is it a lie?
Are you here or are you there?
Lies have been told&the truth hasn't been spoken.
But at the end of the day.
I like the way you make me feel.
We may be star crossed lovers.
But are we meant to be.
Questions&answers are the hardest things to find.
Love&hate are all around but we grab whatever is in front off us.
To avoid drama.To avoid conflict.
To avoid ourselves.
We cry,we tear,we sob.
Everyone has their bad days.
People have their worsened ones.
Is it time to give up?
Or is now the time to feel what we are meant to feel.
You&me.Now is the time for you to choose.
Do you want me or do you loathe me?
Is it lust or is it love?
I'm not like the others.
Only because I am me.
How does it feel to be in love?
I wouldn’t know. I doubt I will for a long time and I wish I did know. Everyone is different. Then again, aren’t we all the same? To a certain extent, yes, we are clones. Clones and not actual people.
People change.
You changed, I changed. She changed. I hate her for it. She doesn’t deserve to have all the happiness and love that she is showered with. That is what disappointments and sickens me the most. I done nothing yet got hurt. She lies, she cheats, she bitches. She is mean. A mean and undeserving girl. The type of girl that I hate. The type of girl we all hate.
You. Me. You.
I cried. You sobbed. I gently whimpered. You quietly whined, trying to cover your hurt and dismay. Trying to cover your clear your sadness. You want to look brave- You. You are wearing a mask. Just like me.
I like the way you look at me.
The way you see me&just me.
You smile.You stare.
The look you give me tells me you care.
Its' obvious.But is it a lie?
Are you here or are you there?
Lies have been told&the truth hasn't been spoken.
But at the end of the day.
I like the way you make me feel.
We may be star crossed lovers.
But are we meant to be.
Questions&answers are the hardest things to find.
Love&hate are all around but we grab whatever is in front off us.
To avoid drama.To avoid conflict.
To avoid ourselves.
We cry,we tear,we sob.
Everyone has their bad days.
People have their worsened ones.
Is it time to give up?
Or is now the time to feel what we are meant to feel.
You&me.Now is the time for you to choose.
Do you want me or do you loathe me?
Is it lust or is it love?
I'm not like the others.
Only because I am me.
Thinking off you.Thinking off me.
To be quite honest,I think 5th&the majority of 6th year has been pretty amazing.The new&exciting things.The new friends&Acquaintances,the singing,the dancing,the immense nights out in Silence&Amber.The heavy,heavy drinking.The summer of 2008 which was by far the best summer that I have ever experienced.The parties&the reminscing with the ones that you have met&still continue to be friends with.The apprehensive&downright bold behaviour displayed by many,mainly me.The gang-bang formed in Silence&how we promised to ensure the best night ever was has&by god was it!The amazing&tearful memories.The longing to be back there.The end of school in 5th year was the end of another great but tough year.Friends were made&friends were lost.Love was found&the romance disappeared for a few.The whore&the change,the messes&the hoe fo sho's.The ending of one year was the beginning of another.
&As the summer had ended&a new school year had begun,myself&my classmates wallowed in our glory to being 6th years&the realising of the power in which was entailed.September had gone&the first month was fun,the exams&the drinking.The random parties&the spur of the moment nights out.The fun that we had soon travelled to October.Halloween was shit.But the two weeks beforehand were great.Two weeks in a row,myself&Bing were out for the shift in Silence,well I was out for the shift,she was out for her fellow Crosby.Them pair.As the end of 2008 was nearing,a few more nights out were had as was only necessacary.The pressure was on as the monthly exam has hit us like donkey hits the ground after two Baby Guninesses'.Many worked,many didn't.Many failed&few excelled.The reaching of the targets&ambitons was sought by a couple.I was happy with how I done but proceeded to do better.The first 4 months had flown by.It was soon Christmas&after a busy month of November has just occured,a good rest was what was needed&the naps had begun.A new era was in site or was it just the feeling of knowing that the first five months of 2009 were going to be the hardest months that I have ever gone through.
Soon 2009 was here&the tears,the tantrums,the study&the ambitions had all been sat out just like the CAO had been applied for.The thoughts of leaving school scared me as well as everyone&I hate to CAO as the choices are hard but the results could be worth it.I sit here,meaning to to study.But FUCK!The past two years have honestly been the best in all my life.
6th year symbolises the change in which people encouter&how people are showing their true colours.In some cases yes it is something to be positive about but in other&extreme cases,the change in the immature ones is ridiculous.6th year tells me who my real friends are&it is from the end of my school years,the time in which I choose the true friends that mean the most to me.If I had to choose right now,not many of my so-called friends mean nothing.It's their fault.
I wonder,I query&I know, that now it has become the time for me to get out&get away from all the bad influences which are currently in my life no matter what or who they are.The bad things reflect on you&your personality&the good things,even the small ones can make you out to be the person which people love&want to be with.The past two years have brought,hatred,enemies,new found friends,bad influences,good influences&the good friends-The loyal ones' in which you yourself trust&they can recipricate that trust within you.Trust really is the hardest thing to find.Never mind about love-There is plenty of time for that but without trust,you are nobody&you will have nobody.It is those whom are without trust but do have love are the ones which are going to be left with nothing&in reality,they deserve nothing better.Harsh?No.Reasons?Yes.
Friends mean everything to me.Friends mean everything to everyone.Friends are my family.Change occurs but why do the people that you love feel the need to change into this person who means nothing to you&is the type of person that you dispise?All I can ask is:"why?Am I not good enough for you now?"Or is it just that some people are plain ignorant&rude&blatantly arrogant.Change,yeah it has its' benefits but on the other hand.People acting like someone they aren't,they are just FAKE.Sometimes,you need to stop&stare about your life.Think about your future&think about how you are&how you act.Take responsibilty.
-To Be Continued.
&As the summer had ended&a new school year had begun,myself&my classmates wallowed in our glory to being 6th years&the realising of the power in which was entailed.September had gone&the first month was fun,the exams&the drinking.The random parties&the spur of the moment nights out.The fun that we had soon travelled to October.Halloween was shit.But the two weeks beforehand were great.Two weeks in a row,myself&Bing were out for the shift in Silence,well I was out for the shift,she was out for her fellow Crosby.Them pair.As the end of 2008 was nearing,a few more nights out were had as was only necessacary.The pressure was on as the monthly exam has hit us like donkey hits the ground after two Baby Guninesses'.Many worked,many didn't.Many failed&few excelled.The reaching of the targets&ambitons was sought by a couple.I was happy with how I done but proceeded to do better.The first 4 months had flown by.It was soon Christmas&after a busy month of November has just occured,a good rest was what was needed&the naps had begun.A new era was in site or was it just the feeling of knowing that the first five months of 2009 were going to be the hardest months that I have ever gone through.
Soon 2009 was here&the tears,the tantrums,the study&the ambitions had all been sat out just like the CAO had been applied for.The thoughts of leaving school scared me as well as everyone&I hate to CAO as the choices are hard but the results could be worth it.I sit here,meaning to to study.But FUCK!The past two years have honestly been the best in all my life.
6th year symbolises the change in which people encouter&how people are showing their true colours.In some cases yes it is something to be positive about but in other&extreme cases,the change in the immature ones is ridiculous.6th year tells me who my real friends are&it is from the end of my school years,the time in which I choose the true friends that mean the most to me.If I had to choose right now,not many of my so-called friends mean nothing.It's their fault.
I wonder,I query&I know, that now it has become the time for me to get out&get away from all the bad influences which are currently in my life no matter what or who they are.The bad things reflect on you&your personality&the good things,even the small ones can make you out to be the person which people love&want to be with.The past two years have brought,hatred,enemies,new found friends,bad influences,good influences&the good friends-The loyal ones' in which you yourself trust&they can recipricate that trust within you.Trust really is the hardest thing to find.Never mind about love-There is plenty of time for that but without trust,you are nobody&you will have nobody.It is those whom are without trust but do have love are the ones which are going to be left with nothing&in reality,they deserve nothing better.Harsh?No.Reasons?Yes.
Friends mean everything to me.Friends mean everything to everyone.Friends are my family.Change occurs but why do the people that you love feel the need to change into this person who means nothing to you&is the type of person that you dispise?All I can ask is:"why?Am I not good enough for you now?"Or is it just that some people are plain ignorant&rude&blatantly arrogant.Change,yeah it has its' benefits but on the other hand.People acting like someone they aren't,they are just FAKE.Sometimes,you need to stop&stare about your life.Think about your future&think about how you are&how you act.Take responsibilty.
-To Be Continued.
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